Thanks For Reading My Mind, Couldn’t Have Done So Better Myself

I met a girl in Forever21 yesterday.  Cute, skinny, brown chic with high energy and style. I was twirling in the mirror as I asked her (of two non-matching pieces) ‘if this looked right.’ Of course, she had my style, so the answer was ‘yea girl you could do that.’ We got to talking.

 

She, about wanting to go into psychology, I, about how and why I decided to first get a management degree and then pursue my dreams writing. I looked up and we’d been talking for about forty five minutes. My teaching dreams never cease because of days like this. Of course I told her to follow her dreams—but before she did so to look long and hard at what she wanted, had to have—to survive.

 

I miss teaching for times like this. But I do love love love my job. Sometimes, things change.

 

Friday I was sick—so it put me behind, I guess I’m still recovering, but it really was a beautiful day yesterday, real simple. I took my kid for a hair cut and slept for a few hours. I like to pinpoint the days I’m really happy because a lot of times you don’t get them as often as you’d like. I woke happy, I stayed happy, and I went to sleep happy.

 

Image

Picture from: avadakedavraurmother.tumblr.com

Few more edits back for clients this week and a final manuscript due. Like I said, happy.

This Is The Problem I Want To Have

We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

—Galway Kinnell

What is this? Who am I now? If I like her better does that mean who I was wasn’t real at all? What if I made myself up? Does this make me a fiction writer?  What if I look for the worst to ‘save face,’ but what if it’s steady? Am I going to ruin it now? What if I fall apart? What if it never comes together? What if it comes together as I fall apart?  Does it matter? When it stays the same doesn’t it still change? What if I want nothing to change? How many dishes can I break a year and still stay sane? Anybody know a good body shop, my car needs work? I need a new car. I want books that need a ladder to get to in my house. I wanna share my wishlist. I think he might listen. I really mind the turbulence, I’m ready for the landing. I’m really going to try my damnedest. This is the problem I want to have.

 

What Happy Is

Happiness

Walking up, she knows my coffee “Aren’t you happy it’s Friday?” Writing late, when edits are finally ready, his voice mails. When I know I can. Like-minded individuals. The Weeknd; the singer and the ending of a busy week. If you haven’t heard this guy, go jump. A clean living room, never mind the rest [...]

[Continue reading...]

Shucks…

SLS Spa

Try as I might, I can’t get any relaxation. This is the spa I’ve been dreaming of. MmmMMmm. Business is good. School is ending. Life is happily full of ruckus. But what am I dreaming of? Relaxation. Kay Redfield Jamison said in“An Unquiet Mind,”  “We all move uneasily within our own restraints.” Maybe I cried [...]

[Continue reading...]

It’s Better To Be Absolutely Ridiculous Than Absolutely Boring

Madness is beauty

Having a shitterific day. How are you? Broke my cell this week and only some contacts carried over to the new one. If I had your number and you haven’t spoken to me in a while… it’s likely I don’t have your number any more which means we aren’t going to be friends much now [...]

[Continue reading...]

“Where Is This Love? I Can’t See It, I Can’t Touch It. I Can’t Feel It. I Can Hear It. I Can Hear Some Words, But I Can’t Do Anything With Your Easy Words.”

Closer

One of my favorite movies of all time: “Closer,” Alice says this. She asks about why come she can’t see the love? Touch it, feel it. Then she repeats that she can hear it—but that hearing it is easy. Those words are easy. Tell me some hard words, if any words. Make me speechless. Heart [...]

[Continue reading...]

I Fell In Love The Way You Fall Asleep: Slowly, and Then All At Once

Screen shot 2012-04-23 at 10.55.41 AM

I was about seven when my Mom got me a hamster. I named her Chrissy. Light brown, sorta fat, cute as a little talking chipmunk. Mind you—this is coming from a person that’s terrified of rats, roaches, spiders, and everything creepy. At first, she used to snip at me. Nip my fingertips wildly. Then I [...]

[Continue reading...]

Long Term Relationships = Complacency

Long Term Relationship Barbie

Who can help it? The natural progression of things. Ebb and Flo. Eventually you’re showering and peeing together (ewk!) the love is “bunny nosey posie.” Coos and spooning. Fall asleep holding each other without any realistic idea that it’s definitely going to get hot like two obnoxious kissie-poo bears cuddling in the middle of a [...]

[Continue reading...]

You Are Missing Your Window Of Opportunity Because I Am Climbing My Pretty Legs Out Of It

The Opportunist

  Is there such a thing as perfect timing? Ok, maybe not perfect but what about mediocre timing? If someone asks you for a favor after a hot bath, after you’ve eaten, and your mind is rather relaxed—aren’t you more inclined? I’m starting to believe in the world of MOP. I made that up. But [...]

[Continue reading...]

Think About All The Fucking Possibilities

Screen shot 2012-04-07 at 2.32.24 PM

Think About All The Fucking Possibilities

Ever heard of stop talking about it and just do it? Well, this poster is the epitome of what I mean.

I grew up in a household wholesomely committed to cursing. Stump your tow, “fuuuuuuuck!” Left the bath water on… “Goodddddamit~” Walk in and the dishes haven’t been done, “So what the fuck you been doin’ all day while I was at work?”

So now as I attempt to re-program myself to live the life I’ve always wanted, some of the hardest things have been:

1. Giving up coffee ( I am not doing well at this)
2. Sticking to the disciplines I’ve set for myself
3. Curbing my cursing

My Ma is the sweetest curse-a-holic you’ve ever met. She’d curse for no reason—the type of person you want on your reality show. She’d say something like “sit your fine ass down and tell me about it,” or when I tried on make-up for the first time her words were “So you think you fucking cute?” My all time personal favorite, when something didn’t sound right to her she’d say “You better go sit in the fucking chair about that.” As she urged me to seek the counseling even she never received.

[Continue reading...]
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 198 other followers