I Would Like For You To See It
I would like for you to see it. Me strangling. You, hanging out all awesome. Me, in the middle of all this imagination, stuck like habit, like the wake-up and grab for you. It's a punishment to stay after you've been betrayed, but to let go is unbearable. Unfair. And I don't deserve that much hurt.
And I would like for you to see it. Tears on the toilet. Shakes on the steering wheel. It looks like checking my house for the notes you used to write. It looks like throwing up yellow squash in the sink hole. It looks like I'm too weak for the training session again. It's very apologetic and it's full of excuses. It's always on overwork, overload. It's got a hundred things to say but it chokes. It looks like I don't feel inspired to cook for you anymore. It feels like I'm dying to do any chores, or call anyone back, I may drown if I take a bath. It looks like another hot offer for another job, when the one I want hasn't offered me full-time, it looks like I'm crying again, get my wine.
And I would like for you to see it. It's pretty big. The bruise went away on my inner thigh. The headaches are shy from the chest pain. My lack of sleep is asking in sighs in the middle of the night and it looks like I'm being held by my inner thoughts and cute little knives that whisper sweet fuckings. I would like for you to see it, how I died last week. I would like for you to see it, you've been blind a bit. I would like for you to see it, but you don't have time. Shit. What am I doing here?
And I just kinda wish none of it ever happened. I just kinda wish.
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