Still There. Still There. Still There. Gone.
- Dating, For Fellas, For Ladies, Lifestyle
"I guess when you're young, you just believe there'll be many people with whom you'll connect with. Later in life, you realize it only happens a few times." -Celine, Before Midnight
Sunset slowly up. Sunset slow down.
I suppose that's the key take-away here. How fast the days revolve around each other, the way our time is spent in dizzying circles.
Sunset slowly up, down.
I got to thinking about a time when I found things to be easier in my life than they are now. I was about 7 years old, lol, but either way, easier. Easier because there was less worries. Imaging the times when I worry less 1. When I'm sleeping, good deep potent, don't wake me unless there's a hurricane and you're sure it's coming my way sleep. 2. When I'm on vacation: the careless 'I don't give a hoot I've got nowhere to be and nobody to be there for-humph attitude' and 3. When I'm treating myself. 'Sure I'll have another shrimp scampi, whyyyyyy not? Or 'the deep tissue massage, o-why-I've never quote had one of those!' or 'Hmmm, The mall, or shopping on Sunset, Melrose, or boutiques, yes, shopping always brightens my mood' at least momentarily. Before I'm back facing reality like a runny nose and a headache.
In the movie Before Midnight Celine takes on her own overwhelm: gives birth to gorgeous twins of golden tendrils, and has a husband who tries, tries as much as he may, she's still not happy, happiness being a verb in this case, something she must do.
'You are the fucking mayor of Crazytown, do you know that? You are!' --Jesse
It's true the big screen never focuses on the stories of years and years of difficult, troublesome challenges that all healthy couples have. They never zoom in to how uncomfortable love gets once it passes 'honeymoon,' and how try as you may, 'honeymoon' doesn't stay. Why you wonder? Because you naturally forget how wonderful a person is, if they're always wonderful. You remember when they are gone, or when they're now awful, or worse, when you reminisce on how they used to be. Rarely do we appreciate the Here. The Now. The Sunset slowly up. [Those special moments in between] Sunset down.
I have an inkling that being in that kind of 'new-exciting-love' is so temporary and so special--so quick and deep, that the moment you realize someone has checked out of you, they've likely checked out long ago. Or the moment you say to yourself, 'I've finally got everything I've ever dreamed of' you realize you wanted so much more, and you actually don't have every single thing you've ever dreamed... and is that okay? Is it fine to be okay with the fact that your dreams might not be realized? Is that settling? Are you asking too much of yourself, and if you believe there's a lot of people you'll connect with in life can you give yourself permission to act outside of normalcy? Is that selfish? When is it okay to be selfish? Or do you listen to the moments inside of the sunset and learn how to appreciate them more?
How do you wait for what's right? How do you know if what you waited for is right?
"I'm giving you my whole life, okay? I got nothing larger to give. I'm not giving it to anybody else. If you're looking for permission to disqualify me, I'm not gonna give it to you. Okay? I love you. And I'm not in conflict about it, okay?" -Jesse
I love Jesse's character for this. I love the scene at the family table when the friends and family discuss their views on love. These realizations are the reasons I believe in marriage and love - love as compelling as that passion that happens after the newness is dusty and you have to fight for what's there. Even when it's hopeless . Even when it's broken. Even when it's unsure.
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