Running on Full
- For Fellas, For Ladies, Lifestyle
I looked over at him and I knew I loved him like cornbread buttered. I loved the way his hand trickled along the almost of my neck. I could love him longer anonymously. That part hurts less. I could love him longer from the part of me that doesn't cause for reality to come to life at all. I could love him in the morning - raw - naked - running to the refrigerator in a giggle-fit trying to grab the orange juice before he notices I'm gone. I could love him from the tips of my soul when I'd already laughed him off. I know better. I've been here, honest.
I could hold his hand and fly into a symphony. I could write him into an epiphany, then back again. I made this choice one morning. The world would be upset if they knew. The pattern was antique bedding. He would kiss me softly once, softly twice, I would fall into melting. I would breathe. He and I would make a dream. I'd take him to Paris. But I'd wish he would take me. I would not look at these walls ever again. I would leave. Caution was cute, but ah the pattern of absence. Flash to now. I don't feel anything when he isn't around. Flash again. I don't feel alive at all. I don't even feel the whitespace around me. I don't feel his flashlight on me. I don't have patchwork eyelids. I usually have patchwork eyelids. My love, I am pacing down main street watching lamps grow from telephone lines. I am not any good undercover. I have no eyes for the butterflies inside. I can ignore them but they're still in my pocket-book.
He pairs up the socks like patron on the rocks. We'd make love on the couch, I'd get lost. The lapse that went to bed before I could calm, wakes me up in the midnight to watch the ceiling meet the walls. I need to dust it all. The headache and the alarm are both in charge now. My heartbeat became so electric it died.
Once I wasn't, I became it. I drew something else.
I dreamt of neither. I painted my career on the hill-top. My future flickered. He wasn't either of you. He wasn't any bit. Jumping we did. Until our heart's weren't content.
I left my conscience out of this so karma couldn't get me.
I watched my bedtime sleep. I leapt. I wanted to see him have everything he promised. But I knew I was just running on full.
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