I'm In Love with Your Occupation...
- Ask Layla, Dating, Lifestyle
Be careful what you don't wish for, is what that title should say. But it doesn't because I, like so many others, fall in love with a person's occupation. And not in the common way you would think. Not in the more traditional "gold-diggeresque" way - although I do believe a person should naturally want the best. I fall for how much time they can give me/or not. How much we have in common and how much he loves the things he loves. I can fall in love with a person because of the authors he reads, really.
How we converse solely depends on experiences, and in most cases the occupations we've had or have. I find it startling how people don't realize the way an occupation or "job" can affect personality, lifestyle, and not just their future but their partner's future as well.
Just like the largest arguments in relationships are either money or money.
Example number one: A wonderfully witty writerly friend of mine, smart, outgoing, studied at the top Universities, everything going for her, met the man of her dreams and likewise. She saved up and up and up and finally was able (with her husband's help) to buy a home. Now the only thing she complains of is her extremely high bills because of her need to keep up her house payments, and the way she doesn't like her job anymore but can't afford to do anything else that will pay the same amount. She could potentially change occupations, but she loves what she does - just not the people she works with, but what? O yes, the house she bought is near her job. Classic circle. Her and her husband aren't doing as well as she would want them to because they're financially strained, but there isn't anything that can be done that won't takevast amounts of change, also lots of time. This all happened because she wanted a home, which was all because she was fooled into thinking that what she loved to do would take precedence over not having the friendliest of co-workers. It's a shame because now she says things like "before we got married, my boyfriend and I were happy and our nice ocean view apartment was well enough." She's stuck.
Example number two: My ex and I were happy. Happy. Happy. Get the keyword? Happy. He'd worked at Sport Chalet for a while and never forgot to kiss me, sweet pecks and foreheads being my favorite. We'd hold hands and we'd have movie days where we wouldn't get out of bed, you know-normal. Then, he got a job at AAA, liked it, moved up made more money, then worked for TSA (he then had less time because his hours changed to having to be at work at 4 A.M., which meant he had to go to bed by 7:30 or 8. This meant less time for us to read together, cuddle, or talk about our day. Ten minutes into my lengthy monologue about how interesting my day was overseeing Member Retention at Spectrum Health Club, I'd look over at him and he looked as if he'd been sleeping for hours. This is what started the failure of our relationship: Not being able to spend the time with each other that we were used to. I longed for the days when he worked back at Sports Chalet, even though he made less money. Back when we were organized but careless with how much care we put into the little things: favorite candies on the dresser, drawing each other funny pictures, calling to whisper something sweet and sexy at work, o how I missed it. And later, our communication barrier backed up, and soon everything that was fun to us like taking ten loads of laundry to the laundromat and sitting on top of the dryer reading, changed to 'I'm not going with you to do the laundry 'cause I gotta go to work early tomorrow,' my reply was usual 'you have to go to work every day early though,' I ran around the house like a porcupine cleaning up after him, doing the laundry, cooking for him and and he became someone I resented for not remaining the same after his job switch. When he got hired as a Federal Officer - his demeanor and reactions to everything changed. That job assimilated him to be more equipped to care less and less about other peoples' feelings with the notice that if he did care he would be sensitive to the masses and that would cause him to fail at his job. Or that was my take on it, anyway. He came home with that attitude nd didn't care if I said 'I love you,' or if I'd said 'I'm going to pour red soup on you business suits.' It was all the same to him. Our relationship was never good after he got that job. Yes, an occupation changes a person- whether they like it or not. I was stuck.
Example number three: My friend wants to be a doctor. I think he'd make an incredible doctor, I just don't think he's thought the sacrifice out. Another friend of mine got a sales position and all she has to say to me now is something marketing or promotions related. When she calls me, I see her call and I just don't have the energy to hear about the uppity ups of her career, or the ignorant rants of her boss, especially after she'd wanted to be working so badly. Complete hypocrite because of how intricately I myself, obsess over things. But in a nutshell - jobs change people. What people do as a 9 to 5 is pivotal. They get stuck.
Balance and being able to remain positive and forward-moving is easier to talk about over a glass of wine, than it is to carry out. Are you doing something that you love so much that when the boss is a pisser, or when the sales are low, or when the hours are long, you still love yourself enough to make your partner happy?
This is when education becomes a strong factor and your passion should match the education you're getting. Some friendships have worked when I was a manager, and once I left that position, the friendship didn't work anymore. Same with relationships when you want your woman or man to make more money, without realizing that more money means taking the chance that you may see that person less and less. This may cause more stress or strain on the relationship if you go into it without knowing this.
Trying to save to buy a house is incredible, a new car, invest, - all of it affects your relationship and the friendships that you have. After my dad's business got incredibly successful he had no time for his family, but he took care of us monetarily, and that was supposed to be good enough.
And it was, for some time. Then not so much. Even as an adult I still crave his attention. Again, stuck.
I am highly attracted to goals, not just occupations.
Discipline and the ability one has to balance his schedule; not dividends, titles, and promotions. What good is a disorganized genius? Better is someone who can carry out an idea and see its fruition, as opposed to someone who attains a position and doesn't fully expand his or herself within or seek other higher possibility. Someone who gets better with time, but someone who also has good timing.
This is what I love about teaching, editing and writing. There are so many wishful dreamers in the world, let us all seek to find the happiest occupation without letting it alter our friendships and relationships to the point of loss.
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