My Heart'll Light A Fire In This B*tch And Blow It!
- Dating, For Ladies
Delicately we put it together.
It was gone in moments. The flowers knocked out of me. And then it comes. The excuse I make for you. How is this magical? How will I not blink into tears? Why does the Ginger Ale not settle this hell? And isn’t that what you do when you love a person: you give them access to the parts of you that will hurt the most, and then you trust them not to. Then you hold their hand in the sparkling peach sun and make wishes with last names that aren’t yours? Isn’t that what it was all for? Wasn’t the pressure I pushed for–the point? How do you love me? If? When?
What if I never put the book together? And what is this anger pulled by this sadness, trumped by humiliation, flicked by your effervescent bloodshot eyes–demons growing in your bloodstream? Tell me where was the stake when I was close enough to your chest? How come I fell? Why come the only thing left is the mistakes I let go of only for you to muck up again? The forgiveness is so my heart doesn’t have some implosion of fury. But holding you, is like holding myself. Where does a person go when there’s no more fight left? Whose heaven does she breathe now? Where was your God then?
The scrapbook memories grow reckless under my bed. Then the fritter I wake as. The overdoing, the overdone, the overages. When is it going to be over again so I can let go of the now and stop hoarding this shit I’m in? What door did our forever fall into? I got my hands up and I’m barefoot down every dirty street hiding in cars with strangers. What moment did it become fear? How is this real?
My heart’ll light a fire in this bitch and blow it.
Quote featured: “Love, Money, Party,” -Miley Cyrus
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