I said 'I like butterflies,' he said 'I'm more of a ladybugs kinda guy'
- Dating, Lifestyle
Have you ever played This or That? OK. The game's intention is to get to know the other person and to arouse conversation about certain subjects that wouldn't normally be discussed. It's great to use with potential love interests, long-time boyfriends (if the relationship feels stagnant) or interestingly quirky friends. Here's an example:
- Honey or Sugar?
- Salad or Fruit?
- Love or Money?
- Passion or Compassion?
- Blazing Hot or Snow Storm?
- Butterflies or Ladybugs?
There's no 'right,' or 'wrong,' necessarily. There's just the asking, and in that asking you find out if you would have chosen the same or not, and you ask why. The point is you build comfort, you talk, and eventually, you get to the raunchier or more seriously morbid questions. You get a view of someone's thinking in ridiculously hypothetical situations, similar to the game 'Would You Rather?' The Twisted Sick and Wrong Version. Only they're in short comparisons or weird juxtapositions:
- Top or bottom?
- Fast or slow?
- Mentally or emotionally?
- Terminally ill or paralyzed?
How much of getting to know someone is 'opposites attract' until opposites don't attract at all? Until, you're just two people physically attracted to each other that don't have much else in common—really? When is it best to let go? My mom used to say 'You stay until the bad start to outweigh the good.' She also used to say 'You ain't had enough yet, 'cause when you've had enough, it'll be enough.' I've had relationships like this, sometimes even friendships, where I find myself offering all the 'let's hang out,' 'why don't we go and talk,' 'how about we get together and...' I've been the initiator, the person that sustains the bond, and the digger in finding more commonalities or differences we can laugh at. I am tired... of friends... and people like this. Of people who not only don't make valiant attempts at 'getting to know' or 'maintaining a friendship' but of one-sided companionships and 'orange-squeezing'courtships altogether. I usually quit them soon enough.
'When you squeeze an orange, orange juice comes out - because that's what's inside. When you are squeezed, what comes out is what is inside.'—Dr. Wayne Dyer
When you fight, argue, 'debate' if you will, what comes out of it is emotions. I've found that there are some people I can hold my ground with, and then there are others that because I am seemingly suspended in air—I'm unable to articulate myself the same. Because the conversations are held (to me) on a higher echelon, I can get my point across very little, if at all. Not because I am afraid to lose them, because a loss is sometimes inevitable, but because I am trying to learn from them. I am trying to study what makes them, because I am quiet—I am recording. Sometimes to prevent the same issue, other times to do what most have the hardest time doing, really listening, present in that moment. Never in my life have I ever been told at the beginning of a conversation what the outcome will be, and then still gone through with the conversation. It was sort of like being told 'if you eat this monstrous bag of gummy bears you will have a tummy ache, a toothache, and gain 10 lbs.' only to then, be forced to eat it, all. Because I'm doing a 'happiness project', and for my own self-improvement and overall well-being, I decided to let this fly. I came to find out that what my intuition felt about the conversation and the reality of the situation was one in the same. Recently at a gas station I had a misunderstanding get to a point of screaming, only to realize, when a person is proving a point by using an example, it's generally an example they've learned from and there is something you've said or done, that causes them to feel like they need to give exactly that example. This is in the same way I wouldn't offer a student in my workshop, (or the virtual writing center, or the tutor center I work in) help with commas and punctuation, if I didn't feel they needed that. I would also humbly preface that I struggle with run-on sentences, overly flowery language, and creative licensing—just for comfort. We are all not perfect in this big bowl of melting. We all have our flaws, but like I was once (and there are many variations of this) told:
'When you pick people to be around you, you have to pick the people whose flaws you like the best.'
When did I let go? From the second I didn't feel like I had any choice anymore if I'd held on.
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