So says Tracy McMillan. I'm trying Tracy, really I am. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
Tracy (one of my favs) leads with her faults in this article. She swears by the practice that she knows why most women aren't married, and then she proceeds to tell us all why. Within good reason and brutal character flaws this piece illustrates a flighty reality that most women are fatal in this area because they believe they aren't good enough, have champagne tastes on a Bud Light budget, or are 'selfish, slutty, or shallow.' There's a lot to say about it, but, the one I want to focus on is the one closest to me.
And it's true. The ephemeral part is this, quoted from Tracy's Huffington Post article "Why You're Not Married," and it's so important I wish she had gone on longer. She says, in one of her bullet points, you're not married because...
"You're a Liar.
It usually goes something like this: you meet a guy who is cute and likes you, but he's not really available for a relationship. He has some condition that absolutely precludes his availability, like he's married, or he gets around town on a skateboard. Or maybe he just comes right out and says something cryptic and open to interpretation like, "I'm not really available for a relationship right now."
You know if you tell him the truth -- that you're ready for marriage -- he will stop calling. Usually that day. And you don't want that. So you just tell him how perfect this is because you only want to have sex for fun! You love having fun sex! And you don't want to get in a relationship at all! You swear!
About ten minutes later, the oxytocin kicks in. You start wanting more. But you don't tell him that. That's your secret -- just between you and 22,000 of your closest girlfriends. Instead, you hang around, having sex with him, waiting for him to figure out that he can't live without you. I have news: he will never "figure" this out. He already knows he can live without you just fine. And so do you. Or you wouldn't be lying to him in the first place."
It has taken me 32 years not to lie to a significant other about what I want, who I am, admit my faults, let him choose if those are faults he can withstand. 32. I'm a monotonous liar and most times, I save face. I pretend not to want forever - because you know, he by far couldn't possibly want forever... and I pretend riding in the back seat is ok, sitting off to the left is fine, looking over trying to 'get a glimpse' of his lifestyle - his antics, his intellect, his wildness... all from afar is fancy. So fanciful in fact, I couldn't even find pearls to match such a good time I was having, drowning in all the conversation we neglected to have. I'm still learning, in fact.
Infatuation is blinding.
Truth is, I do want to be married. But one time, not 5. I fluctuate between wanting a mini-me (a girl) and wanting a permanent vacation from everything, but don't we all? I need a person that continually betters ME, and in turn the heavy idea of a marriage becomes play, I better HIM. The dirty laundry, the baggage, the "work" becomes not a chore but a comfortable constant, a reality that doesn't tell you lies and rides the wave, the coaster, the lows, the highs. More work than fun, indefinitely... but more fun than hoping.
I Am What I'm Looking For. I just think I can get a bit better. You?