• Self UnHelp: The Most Interesting People Are Ones Who Often Work Against Their Best Interests

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  • Self UnHelp: The Most Interesting People Are Ones Who Often Work Against Their Best Interests
  • Posted by: Lalanii, September 22, 2015
  • Bad choices. They go in directions where you go, 'No no no nooo!' You push away someone who is trying to love you, you hurt someone who's trying to get your trust, or you love someone you shouldn't. - Paul Haggis



    Met someone interesting today. We conversed in the coffee line. Somehow we got on him being a yoga teacher and being able to do all this meditation and whatnots.



    I mentioned a few deadlines and how bad I needed this Hazelnut whatever blend and from that point on he seemed to make it his personal mission to guide me through my 'negative thinking.' Ok, so, I’ve tried yoga, I nearly fell out in that hot Bikram. His response?



    It’s because I wasn’t hydrated enough.



    Yes, yes, that’s it. I’m sure of it. No water that and yea, I don’t want to do this. Lol.



    That and again, I don’t sit still so swell – so – to be in a hot room, quietly sweating around with stinky strangers - getting into uncomfortable positions and referring to them as ‘challenging myself,’ uhh yea, I’m not there yet.



    Get me on the treadmill damn this. LOL.



    The truth is this. I've read The Secret; I read a lot of Self Help, too much actually. My unpublished memoir is self-help. I know all so well about the power of positive thinking. I still tend to lean toward more of an underdog lifestyle - sinking and then she always swims/wins, [depending on how your dyslexia read that] and yes, I welcome challenge. But I also know myself a teeny bit. When I’m struggling with anything, the last thing I need from anyone is a lecture, who has that actually helped?



    But again, life is a series of unsolicited regrets.



    How else would we learn?



    When I’m down, if I vent to anyone younger they err on the side of either no intelligent response or silence, which isn’t very artful at all, while anyone older with more experience – they attempt to talk at me imparting their unwarranted wisdom.



    You know what I wanted to hear?



    A story.



    The smartest man I’ve ever met hardly gives me any advice, rarely offers his opinion or even commentary, unless I of course ask him a question. My dad, he tells me stories.



    I love learning, however I happen to not have wanted to hear any of it today, is this fine? Is it cool that I was irritatingly wearing my “oh f*ck here we go again” face, all day, and perhaps there has been so much upside down for me lately, I actually want to give it all up and live simply.



    To sleep, and get closer to myself.



    To think without pressure, to dream without that worry, to not be lied to. Everyone lies to me. 



    Here’s what I’m made of:



    1.     ¼ Fantasy



    2.     ¼ Fuck It



    3.     ¼ Leap and the net will appear



    4.     ¼ Emotional



     



    Yoga and meditation is in my best interest huh?



     



    Fuck. 


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