- For Ladies, Lifestyle
Right now there's a tiny thought bubble over my head with an Eiffel Tower inside it that has exclamation points after it. Have any of you played 'The Sims' games before? Well, it's a wonderfully simulated addiction. The game infuses a person's real life wants and needs, with the gamerly anticipation of growing old, meeting the right person, acquiring skills, gaining education and eventually even untimely deaths via kitchen fires- etc. I wish my life were more like this. You can speed it up sometimes when the game is boring, your alternate characters can play on auto-pilot, you can read the newspaper and have a job to go to the next morning that pays over $200 a day, ah. Make believe is so refreshing. Meanwhile, in the real world I am submitting to Journals, reading about literary theories, and studying nonfiction like my life depends on it. Because it does. I was rummaging through some old pictures today and saw that I looked happier with my superficially fake friends, plastic parties, and I was. I was much happier when I was less goal oriented. It was less pressure. I had mastered the art of letting go - not because I didn't care, but because I didn't know any better. I'd like to not know any better, now. Time has a way of making a person want, and in my case need so much more all at once. Steve Bull said in a quote once that 'Nerves and butterflies are fine - they're a physical sign that you're mentally ready and eager. You have to get the butterflies to fly in formation, that's the trick.' I have so many butterflies they all go every which-a-way and then there's this silence. One by one I attempt to summon them all down and just as they're all beginning to relax into this dreamerly state of my imagination, a big burgundy eagle with a purple beak and red eyes swarms down and collapses all meditation then squawks off. This is just where I am right now. I am constantly making leaps through the corridors, beckoning my pillowtop mattress be not too comfortable to let me about along my day merrily, and hoping - fingers crossed-- for a breakthrough.
O, and it was Dale Carnegie that said:
If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the lack of sleep.
And then I heard from an editor today. It wasn't a yes, yet, but it definitely wasn't a 'no.' Immediately Paris popped into my thought bubble again. Anyone feel like loaning me a vacation?
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