Cheaters Never Win!
Cheaaaaaaaaaterrrrrrrrr! HAHA. Cheaters Never Win! 0/10I have an innate fear of being cheated on. Not an insecurity, a fear. Let me be clear: I usually fail to give a person enough time to know when or if he is fully invested, in anything. He realizes too late that he was. Sometime along these lines I find out he's cheated. There might be only one person I've ever dated that I haven't (at one point) either knew or thought was cheating on me. Only once. Every other time I was likely the object of betrayal or selfish tendency. End of introductory rant.Cheating is selfish, among other things. And so begins my lore:One surefire way to tell if a person will cheat on you, is if said person will share with you. If someone is selfish, they'll likely cheat on dat ass. No seriously. Ask him for his last Skittle. Or more seriously, ask him to share anything worthwhile to him. It's an indirect indicator that he probably cares more about himself than he does your feelings.I speak from experience, which might be the most professing truth. Albeit, flimsy, they're still my truths.So much about a person's tendency is dependent on how that person grew up. Environment allots for about 70% of what influences a person's tendency. I mean environment as far as what a person has witnessed and been through:
A LESSON IN MONOTONY: Bigger than any rubbish love has always been the fear of monotony. Boredom. Same ole' Same ole'. Actually, I grew up with the understanding that if you didn't handle your business—you could look out for the next guy who would. My Daddy's graphics company dissipated because businesses like his could do what he did better and faster. They began to populate Westwood, CA faster than he could draw a perpendicular line. If Dad had changed with the times he'd have been better equipped to keep up with the growing rate of need. He couldn't trust any of the employees because they would steal from him repeatedly (unfortunately even including family) thus he just couldn't keep up. His work is stellar at its worst, and his precision—immaculate. But he kept things the same, so his business evaporated for replacement by feistier fiends. And that was just business, imagine a relationship.
The scary thought is: If after time a love becomes monotonous, it could be just waiting to be replaced.A LESSON IN 'TOO FAST': A guy I went out with three times (meaning date one, two, and then three) years and years ago asked my best friend out on a date once he figured out I was a slow-moving fountain and he wasn't going to appeal to me via alcoholic average (lol). Believe it or not, since he was a B-list celebrity, my best friend then decided to go out with him. I wasn't offended nor was I impressed, hey he wasn't for me, but you never know. But steady for the best part:After he goes out on date with her, he later sent me this text:
Him: One more chance? Me: UnsubscribeWas the first indicator not enough? What a riot. A LESSON IN, WAITING IT OUT/CHEATING: I didn't have a real boyfriend until I was 15, and even that wasn't realistic. I had that boyfriend's child after giving up my virginity. My memoir (the book that's standing trial awaiting an agent) elaborates, although I won't. What I remember vividly about P.E. in elementary school, possibly at 9 or 10, wasn't my son's father because that was years before we'd met, but a boy named Travis. Travis was skinny, always ashy, had knocky knees, silky porcupine hair, and a gap in his front teeth. He was the first crush I've ever had. Travis picked one of those yellow imitation daisy flowers on the yard for me one day, probably out of boredom—and from that instant I was in full-on love with him. Diddlying his name across my notebook, scooting next to him when he lined up 'indian style' on the yard; I even wrote him one of those paper origami fortune-teller thingamajiggies that I was sure would grab his attention once he knew it said we were meant to be together. You know, forever. Every day I took stupid leaps of ridiculousness trying to get closer to him, to the point of utter foolishness. We had these hard plastic jump ropes that snapped as they hit the ground, a strew of various colors. Lalanii took it upon herself to jump rope sassily to the point of exhaustion in front of Travis one afternoon and ended up snapping the shit out of his top lip. It was a total accident. Really. Travis thought I'd purposely embarrassed him so there went that.The next day, as I was gearing up another mountainous scheme to get him to hold my hand, I snuck behind the tetherball court and witnessed him giving some taller skinny chic the same damn ugly imitation daisy he'd given me, just the week prior.'Cheatttttttter!!!' I screamed at him wacky legs and glasses falling all off.Drama princesses all in tote behind me as Travis blinks incessantly and backs up like I was creating a new movement and he wasn't for it. Travis was like many of the men I've experienced nearly what—almost twenty years later. While he didn't mean to misconstrue his feelings, he did. He was vague. He made a friendly gesture and probably had no intentions to like me, but I took the ball and ran, no, better, I took what little he gave me—blew it up tenfold—and lost control of my 'conscience carriage,' which is what I like to call my self-control. Travis didn't speak to me for weeks. It was close to the last day of PE class when he pushed me hard against the metal gate, took a hefty breath, squeezed his eyes together like before a needle goes into your skin—and pecked my lips. After that, I never saw or spoke to him again because I think (I can't be sure) he moved abruptly. He didn't even stay until the end of the school year. I remember that I wasn't immediately able to gather myself, but when I finally came to--I realized he may have had the most innocent and purely infectious intentions, but he still kissed another girl... even if our relationship, err friendship was a bit floatish. The girl he kissed saw this and later kneed me in the crotch one fine afternoon. Another surprise. If I had only waited it out. If I had only weighed out my crazy and waited. You know: 'WAIT. FOR. IT.' Blurting to the school yard that he was a cheater must have been something I'd seen on T.V. or showtime in my very interesting living room. My kick-friendly enemy and I became the best of friends and as it would turn out we lived across the street from each other. She still remembers this and tells the story every time we get together.What I'm explaining isn't the normal, 'if he cheats on you he wasn't yours in the first place'—byword, but better a 'wait until his actions match his actions,' until your aura festers in him, and most of all: make sure he isn't nine years old or that he doesn't act like he is.I think the saying is 'cheaters cheat because they feel that they have nothing to look forward to,' and to a certain more ethos viewpoint, I believe in that adage. A 'new' person gives a relationship drowning in monotony and complacency—a fresh outlook. Like a vacation. I wonder if wandering eyes might be replaced with a vacation and adding some spice to what one's got? But either way, my take on cheating is this:
'The grass is only greener on the other side if you don't water the side you're on.'Although, some may view life 'YOLO' (You Only Live Once, as re-purposed by Drake) whilst eventual emptiness ensues. Try getting everything you want and still wanting. It leads to an overabundantly-insatiable experience. A frightening and scary feat is the concept of long-term relationships and marriage, I know. A scarcity these days is a person who respects old-fashioned 'die together shaky-wrinkled love'... for its beauty, consistency, sincerity, and that rareness inside of a person who wants to get tangled in a dreamlike place that's lasting. A person that wants to be appreciated from that place and recognizes it enough to reciprocate that respect.Cheating is saying: 'I don't respect you enough to be honest to you about what I need and what makes me happiest.'I've read a million self-help books, sat through an incalculable amount of hours in counseling, and experienced the ache on both ends to know it's so.Maybe at nine years old a child can't understand the difference, but as I gain experience I've realized that knowledge and self-containment is the most highly sought after quality. Two of the most necessary qualities I could ever need in another person. That person is likely so well-put together and happy that he not only wouldn't cheat and isn't in need of another partner, but he's so busy with his own self-accomplishments that he has to clear time out of his schedule to give undivided attention to his special someone, me. This is the sort of love we must want, I know I do.
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