• Relationships: Dealbreakers List

  • DatingFor FellasLifestyle
  • Relationships: Dealbreakers List
  • Posted by: Lalanii, August 20, 2015
  • 1. Fluff (people who can't teach me anything)


    Case in point: I once went out on a date with a guy, he asked what I was up to. Fine. Then he proceeded to interview me much like a job. This later moved to more fan-based questions such as "so what's your next career move?" Wait. I had to stop him. I was like "am I on camera? Where is it? Where y'all at, come out e'erbody" 


    I think sometimes it's hard to balance the inquisitive questions with general interest. I equate this to sometimes going out on a date with a person and trying hard not to talk about work, or worse, for me, trying hard not to talk too much in general. Let's be honest we all have our faults. I think it's especially important to balance the conversation, (and much like I tell my social media writers) - VARY the forms of communication: questions, quotes, stories, thoughts, concerns, things you've acquired along your path of life. Whatevs. 


    2. Numb (non-motivated, people who don't better their lives/learn often)


    This one hits. My ex had a silver spoon. More on that silver spoon later since he likely doesn't have time to read this and if he does he'd be delighted to know I still care, from afar, veryyyy afar. He was born into fortunate surroundings and because of that it made him lazy. Less driven. Less appreciative of the things ordinary people struggle to have and aspire to. I'm going to be honest, I'm human and it gave me a twinge of jealousy, irritation almost. Rage - at times. Spoiled rotten b*%$# comes to mind, but again, to someone else looking in, they may say the same for me to a lesser extent. I continue... 


    Case in point: NOT MOTIVATED


    All the wonder in the world can't buy you taste. After being around certain people, you start to develop their likenesses, sometimes their good taste or bad. Sometimes their behaviors. One thing I will tell you is it is very easy to get in a slump (whatever that slump is) when you have a partner not helping the cause. Examples: partners who eat crappy but expect to have a fit girlfriend (been there), partners who can't balance their drunk lifestyles at night - with being a family man/spend quality time with their girl the next day. Partners who have the opportunity of a lifetime, but show up late/not at all. I'm so tired of doing favors for people. Help yourself, only then can I help you.


    Case in point: TOO GOOD


    One day we were going to the supermarket in my ex's bourgeoisie area of choice. Great. It was not an option for him to gallop down the aisles with me reading labels, making jokes or conversing in swirly creative banter about if butter is actually a necessary food group. We fought about this later but it went something like this:


    This guy arrived at the store with me (after dating 4 months or so - mind you) hopped out of the car, and proceeded to wait at the register for me as I sashayed down each aisle alone trying to pretend it was all ok. My immediate thoughts being this:


    a. WTF you get out the car then?

    b. You not gon' help a broad, I am cooking for you, you know?

    c. So wait grocery stores are beneath you? [cue slap face hand movements here, lol]


    I don't give af (a f*ck) how much money you have, if you don't enjoy the same things I enjoy... I can't. The one thing I value more than money is time, the one thing I value more than time is health. Or rather the act of being HEALTHY. Pay attention. It took me years to get my mind back in a good space. At any moment I could snap. There was a bit of snapping this night. I think they call it black girl crazy, but again I'm not sure. His eyes lit up like his goal was specifically to piss me off, and of course, he succeeded. Hazel eyes sat there silent through my tantrum. Yay me. 


    3. Umm (people who have nothing to say and are completely ok with allowing me to not just dominate, but carry the conversation, lazy)


    So if I am talking nonstop for like ten minutes, which I will do + more... someone will need to jump into that conversation long before the first breath after ten minutes and smile, nod, pose some interesting commentary. C'mon this is etiquette 101. If you don't however, I'll dominate the conversation and then kinda look around like hmmm nice day - then I'll ask a question or two and if I receive your one word or one sentence answer with nothing else, I'll assume you're no conversationalist and/or you're accustomed to counterparts that do all the work for you. Not my style. You'll never really win me over without actually talking to me, I'm going to ASSume that's most females. My besties anyway. 


    4. Dumb (people who are boring, potentially not incredibly street smart)


    Just because we talked about sunsets or I mentioned a pastel-colored future with poolside layovers doesn't mean you're interesting. It means you're probably boring and I started using my imagination. But I digress, that's subjective to each situation. Let's do something adventurous, but again, let's also respect each others' schedules, let's balance. Can we balance for a living? Can we?


    5. F Boys (well we all know what this is, have some substance, please)



    Need I say more? 



    I once signed up for one of those older dating sites. The more recent ones allow you to smart search certain fields for character dealbreakers: lifestyles, personalities, pets, long/short term dating needs, occupations,  looks, age, thoughts they had on the toilet this morning, IQ scores (lol) etc.


    But the older dating sites didn't really offer that as much - it was - you could search area (broad), age, race, education.


    My search results:




    I dreamt this guy up and I am going to die alone, my puppy and I. 


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